Learn the definition of fear and how fear is the number one obstacle to individuals striving to achieve success.
“Fear is the mind-killer,” Frank Herbert said. A coward dies several times before he dies,” while “the valiant dies just once.” Rev. Edward Kirkpatrick says that “God cannot help you unless you have faith, and the Devil cannot touch you unless you have fear.” It is very accurate. It is best to think of fear as a karmic death nail. Fear of any kind is a lack of faith and a lack of confidence, and both are deadly.
Since we know fear is a bad thing, we have many euphemisms for it. We prefer to call it anxiety, dread, worry, concern, or fretting, but these experiences are rooted in fear. So the important thing is to stop excusing your fear and get rid of it.
What is Fear?
Fear may be best understood as an entity. It is a separate being that lives in your mind and the minds of others. It feeds on your thoughts and, in turn, regurgitates those thoughts as something other than, and worse than, the initial concerns you may have had. Where does the entity come from? You make it! You create it with the power of your mind. You have created your own worst enemy, and now you must best it. It takes knowledge and passion, but the ability can be learned, and the power is available.
Fear can be palpable. You wrestle with it in the dark, in dreams, and the recesses of your subconscious. For example, you may wrestle with fear when you have to speak in public, apply for a job, face someone you aren’t comfortable with or do something new for the first time.
Sometimes fear seems to take form and whip you quicker than any bully on the playground. But unfortunately, fear is the tool of all playground bullies. Without fear, a bully is powerless.
In adult life, bullies are anything that keeps you from your goal or keeps you from being happy by inducing fear. Thus there are many bullies in life. Humans often intimidate each other, either knowingly or unknowingly. Circumstances seem to bully and often feel inescapable. Worst of all is the inner bullies. Inner bullies are those voices you have allowed yourself to remember whenever you feel self-doubt.
Fear of Failure as an Inner Voice
The record of every time you ever felt that you failed or did less than your best resides in your head as a voice. Often, parents, teachers, friends, and grade-school classmates were the first to point out your shortcomings, and their condemning voices are now a part of your psychological makeup. It is silly to think of these people, many of whom are insignificant to us now, still torture us for things we had done when we were so much younger, yet we all still feel like that same kid who lost their homework in third grade, left our math book in the rain, or perhaps didn’t dress like the other children.
You hear a voice in your brain saying you’re inadequate. What could you accomplish if you could silence these voices and think things out in a fresh way, based not on the past but upon the eternal now? Who would you become if you realized that you are new to change every day? You can become whatever you wish at any moment as an act of your will. You are not stuck in your old pattern of thinking and being. Now realize that you remove the power from these bullies by taking out the fear factor. Those of courage can overcome all the bullies. You can develop that kind of courage.
Keys to Success Series, this article discusses the obstacles to change and how to overcome those obstacles under duress.
Evoking Change in Adversity
Life has a way of pressing people down and locking them into a pattern of behavior that makes it impossible to win. They are pushing too hard, trying to break even to focus on any goal. As a result, they become too weak, busy, and numb to make changes. They feel forced to keep things going the way they are. It is hard to improve anything when it’s all you can do to keep functioning. (You can’t repair your automobile while traveling at 80 mph.)
You are never in a hurry to check the road map.
Another point about going eighty miles an hour down the road non-stop is that you might run out of gas. Burnout comes to the best of us. Take a break to re-energize. Check the roadmap. Think about where you are going. When we are in a hurry, we waste time going in the wrong direction or have traffic accidents. We need to calm down and reflect.
Those who live life frantic to achieve their goals have their rewards. Well-placed ambition has its merits; however, you are headed for disaster if you get too desperate. It is good to pace yourself and take a little time to smell the flowers once in a while. Also, the more you do, the more you need to plan carefully. Avoid frantic and repetitive actions; try to find a better way.
Often attitude can make all the difference between calm success and a frantic nightmare of jumbled actions that could have been done more efficiently and with less effort. Taking the time to do a little inventory may be just what you need. Perhaps you are spinning your wheels a bit. Take stock of your life. See if you can order your life in a new and creative way. Removing the drama, fear, and pain will give you more time for productive and benevolent pursuits.
Learn to ignore nonproductive criticism
Discouragement often comes from those we love most. Whenever a great idea is discussed, someone is there to point out how impossible it is. How simple it is for them to condemn people who want to innovate. It is easy for them to sit back and laugh at others who are trying while resting on their laurels.
A difficult task to do when trying to change is to ignore the naysayer. There will be many in life. One must rise above the crowd to reach one’s potential. Ask yourself when someone criticizes you for your goals, what their goals are and how they have accomplished them. If someone is an expert in your field and has many accomplishments, perhaps you should hear them out. Maybe they will have suggestions and constructive criticism, but don’t let anyone steal your dreams. Keep trying. Until then, keep going. Don’t let the voices of those who don’t believe stop you. Go for it. Learning to ignore negativity is a learned skill. It takes knowledge and practice. We will learn more about this in the following courses.
Most importantly, you can become victorious over your inner bullies, the ultimate naysayers. More than anyone, your inner bullies know your weak points. They will be so shocked when your weak points aren’t there to pick anymore. Once you remove the pain from your past and realize that the old you don’t exist anymore and that you are a new creature moment by moment, they can’t hold you down anymore. It will work on human naysayers too.
Succeeding Series, this article discusses the obstacles to change and how to overcome those obstacles.
Why Not Change?
Change sometimes seems like too much effort. We are not as unhappy with things the way they are as they would be if we had to work hard changing them. When items become rough, people who feel this way typically quit up! “Easier said than done,” I think.
Sometimes we can’t decide what we want anyway. We’re at a loss. We know that we could be happier, but we aren’t sure what we want to accomplish. When it comes to it, we realize that we lack the wisdom and guidance to make the choices required for change.
Avoid Busy Work and Develop a Creative Plan
Hard work has a way of not sounding too appealing! Sure, you will have to work hard to make a change, but chances are you are working hard now! So much busy work! Busy work is what the teachers used to give you in school when they wanted to go to the teacher’s lounge to smoke and drink coffee. Remember those assignments of 25 sentences that you had to copy verbatim and add punctuation? Did these exercises help you, or were they more for the teacher’s advantage? Wouldn’t you have learned more about writing your sentences and doing less copy work? Sure it would have been better, but the teacher would have had to pay attention when she graded that.
Life is always waiting to provide more busy work for those likely to get in trouble if left idle. Habits die hard. Are you still giving yourself busy work, or are you operating at your true creative potential. There are many ways to do things. If you make your mind work for you and not against you, you will have plenty of time to be creative. You will save work by making the right changes in your life. Your career will be more rewarding, and your thoughts will finally be your own to do with as you will.
That said, hard work still has its place. The difference is that your hard work will be rewarded using creativity, and most of it will be a labor of love. In addition, you will learn to enjoy your work, no matter what it is, because you will realize that the “right” kind of work moves you closer to your goals.
Making Decisions
Decisions are hard sometimes. You may need to get the guidance, divine and/or human. You may need to do research, but decisions have to be made if you want to live life to its fullest. Yes, if you make sensible choices, you can improve your life. Decisions should not be taken lightly or made on a whim, but if you don’t make a choice, there will be detailed factors that will choose for you. Isn’t it better to have a choice in your life than allow things to happen to you? Recognize your preferences. Consider your options carefully. Don’t just let life happen to you. Taking conscious action today may save you a lot of heartaches. Pray for guidance, seek advice, research, and make an intelligent choice not based on fear or apathy. You’ll be happy.
Your Success is Your Fault.
If you don’t value your own life to try to make the right decisions to improve it, no one else will take the time to ensure that you are taken care of. You are no longer a child, and you have to make your own decisions; then, you have to accept responsibility for decisions.
I once heard a college Teacher say that students flunked out of college because they were accustomed to being nagged to do their homework. Teachers in grade school, and to a lesser extent, high school, take an active interest in their student’s work and bring poor marks to the students and sometimes their parent’s attention right away. On the other hand, college students turn in their assignments or not. No one says, “Why didn’t you do your homework?” Students fail if they don’t do it. Often a student doesn’t even realize that his marks are poor until it is too late because no one is nagging him.
All adult life is just like that. No one makes you do anything. You reap the consequences if you are irresponsible or make poor choices. You make your own choices and then have to live with them. Often you are still living with choices you made years ago.
High-Quality Decisions
Making high-quality decisions now can save you much grief in the future. Once you realize that only you can change your life and that you are responsible for yourself, you are free to make the best choices in life. Finally, you can be free of apathy, fear, and paralyzing emotions that wreck people’s lives. You can learn to be a friend to the universe and reap the benefits of having the universe love you back. Don’t miss out on life. Dare to!
Dos and Don’ts for busy Christians looking for ways to jumpstart a daily devotional routine.
Finding dedicated daily time to grow or improve their relationship with God can be challenging for Christians with a hectic schedule. If you are having a hard time jumpstarting your devotional life, here are a few dos and don’ts to help.
How to start a daily devotional while you’re busy
Do talk to family and friends who have demonstrated the ability to have a consistent daily devotional life. Perhaps you can’t match their schedule. Still, hearing the process others used to develop their routine can be a springboard for ideas. Inquire about what worked best for them. You may even be able to avoid mistakes by hearing the experiences of others.
Do look for ways to waste less time. It is the best way to get dedicated time for God in your day. Try setting time limits on the time you spend watching television and the Internet. Designate times to start and stop answering phone calls and emails. By trimming wasteful activities, you can increase the time for this new habit.
Do embrace technology as a tool. Most Christian websites, including Crosswalk.com and ChristianityToday.com, allow you to sign up for daily devotional emails. Additionally, many churches and pastors offer podcasts you can subscribe to. Finally, like most busy people, check out the app store for your service provider if you have a smartphone. There are many devotional apps for the iPhone, Blackberry, and Droid phones. According to a February report from FoxNews.com, even President Barack Obama gets a daily devotional on his Blackberry every morning.
What not to do if you are adding a daily devotional to your hectic schedule
Don’t take on too much. One day you may be able to carve out an hour each day for prayer and meditation. But, right now, you want to focus on consistently building devotional time into your day. As many Christians struggle to make time for God, several books are available to assist believers with busy lives. They range from books with non-traditional approaches such as Awake My Soul: Practical Spirituality for Busy People by Timothy Jones to books specifically for women. It is about a Mary Heart in a Martha World.There’s a book for everyone. Could you find the best one for you and try it?
Don’t limit your devotion to moments when you are entirely alone. For example, the time you spend on your commute to work, in the break room at lunch, or even at the gym can be dedicated to God. In addition, it will give you more options in building a regular devotional appointment into your schedule. In Rick Warren’s bestselling book, The Purpose DrivenLife, he writes, “Everything you do can be ‘spending time with God’ if he is invited to be a part of it and you stay aware of his presence.”
Do not surrender if you skip a day (or two.) According to The Search for Significance Devotional by Robert S. McGee, “Consistency is laudable and good, but don’t worry…The goal is to reflect on God’s truth so that it sinks deeply into our hearts and minds.” When you do get off track, figure out how and why. Then adjust your plan to get back on course. Look at the entire experience as your spiritual experiment. Success will require time and effort.
Most importantly, give yourself time to find the proper routine and resources to activate your devotional life. Your relationship with God is unique, and your devotional time with him will reflect that. Embrace the process of researching methods and trying different approaches. The reward of an enhanced relationship with God will be worth the effort.
By overcoming a fear of rejection or losing a part of who we are and accepting others, we can feel natural and accepted.
“The most dreadful poverty is loneliness and unloved.” – M.T.
When do you feel lonely? When do you feel unloved? Everybody needs to be accepted, and when this need is not met, I think most people would feel lonely and unloved, and it hurts.
How do you get the need to be accepted met? Keep in mind the following:
Everybody cannot take you; there will always be somebody unable or unwilling to take you for who you are.
Many people share the need for acceptance; you want to remember that other people’s condition is as significant as yours.
While it is important to be true to yourself, it doesn’t mean you should hold tightly onto the image you think you are or should be; you need to be flexible.
A fear-driven attitude of being ‘nice.’
Some people try to be accepted by everybody – sometimes literally – for who they are. I used to be one of the people-pleasers or an ‘approval-addict.’ Unfortunately, it won’t happen unless you become a chameleon. Dr. Harriet B. Braiker states in her book Disease to Please that “Your concerns and fears will grow as you associate with being polite rather than being authentic. It’s better to accept that conflict is inevitable and to learn to deal with it effectively.” (Braiker, 2002)
Some people try to deter negative emotions from others by being nice because if you are friendly, you’d think nobody would want to reject you. You’d assume that everybody would accept and love you for your niceness. However, you are not authentic if you give a yes to others when your heart tells you no. Could people accept you for who you are in this way? No.
Their needs are as valuable as yours.
Would changing the way you handle things deprive you of your self-identity? To get your need for acceptance met, you may sometimes become blind to others’ need to be accepted. Everybody is different. Their upbringing and past have much impact on how they react to certain situations. Naturally, when one person tries to be taken by somebody, the other person might need to adjust a part of them if the person is willing to meet your need. This process should be reciprocal. Some people from troubled backgrounds may find it too threatening because they feel “if [they] give a part of [themselves], [they] are losing it forever. . . .” (Dayton, 1997, P. 92)
The truth is we are not losing it forever. As long as we have it, we can share it without losing it. You want to be accepted, but does it mean that you should not change your attitude, outlook, actions, etc., because “it is who you are” and that you can expect others to accept it? What if everybody claimed the same? There would be no acceptance but resentment or loneliness of not being accepted.
Be flexible
Holding tightly onto who you are, you may be rejecting others, but if you don’t learn to own the sense of who you are, as Dr. Braiker says, “[Y]our hidden motivation may be to manipulate others into liking you or at least into not rejecting you.” (Braiker, 2002, p. 40)
Relationships are typically not black and white; they are usually ‘shades of gray.’ Most of you must have heard somebody tell you that you must always be who you are. But being always who you are does not mean you should be rigid with your self-identity. If you favor or even pride in your lifestyle of abstinence, while other people may accept it, they may also want to drink alcohol or smoke cigarettes. But, then, you should get their lifestyle as well. It doesn’t mean that you are being a phony by bending yourself; it only means you care about the relationships.
You can be authentic and still be accepted. However, it would help if you were original and taken without feeling guilt, insecurities, self-doubts, and loneliness.
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