by Content Team | Sep 20, 2022 | Self-Awareness
Research conducted over a decade ago showed that meditation reduces anxiety and stress, with potentially life-altering effects. Prolonged anxiety has been linked to depression, poor digestion, an increased risk of heart attacks, and a weakened immune system, and it can affect your entire body.
Here is how you can use meditation to reduce anxiety and move closer to better health and well-being.
- Simple breathing exercises to combat panic attacks
Panic attacks can be terrifying. Shaking, sweating, nausea, extreme dread, a racing heart, and even chest discomfort are possible symptoms. However, simple meditation practices can help you deal with a severe anxiety attack.
Start by removing yourself as much as you can from the unpleasant circumstance. Next, work on slow, deep breathing. Guy Joseph Ale, the founder of Lifespan Seminar, suggests a straightforward breathing technique to assist you in controlling stress. You could discover that a relaxing mantra helps you focus and regulates how long you hold each breath.
- Self-guided meditation to reduce anxiety
Even if you don’t experience panic attacks, anxiety can still have negative physical and emotional impacts. In fact, may feel “stressed out.” These things are particularly harmful because the harm to your body continues to exist and has even developed into a chronic condition.
- Find quiet time alone
Give yourself some self-time. Whether it is an hour or 15 minutes, make the most of it! Shut off your phone and block out all outside noise. Consider playing calming music at a low volume if outside noises like traffic distract you.
- Make yourself comfortable
Lying down may seem relaxing, and you might benefit from sleep. But learning how to be mindful and control your tension while awake is also an element of practicing meditation to lower anxiety. A cozy chair, pillows for the floor or to use as bedposts, or a meditation pillow can all be beneficial.
- Relax with measured breathing
To calm your entire body, you can take slow and measured breaths can help. Just inhale from your nose slowly and deeply, then hold your breath for a moment and exhale through pursed lips. You can adjust your breathing pattern until that sensation reduces. Practice to breath from your lower chest and belly, also known as diaphragmatic breathing.
- Consider using visualization techniques
You might discover that within a few seconds, ideas like goals, outcomes, and other things start to cross your mind. If you wish to get rid of them, visualizing can help. Whatever relaxes you, imagine it. Imagine a serene lake, forest retreat, or ocean with waves that move in sync with your breath. Such images not only assist in reducing anxiety, but they also help you forget about your troubles.
by Opator | Mar 23, 2022 | Self-Awareness
Epitomizing a positive attitude, Find the Upside of the Down Times provides advice for turning bad situations into opportunities.
If you’ve ever been through tough times and wondered why it happened to you, you might have been comforted by Rabbi Harold Kushner’s When Bad Things Happen to Good People (First Anchor Books, 1981). Turn your bad experiences into good ones! Rob Pennington, MD (Resource International, 2011) is a perfect complement to Kushner.
Kushner helps questioners suffering through tragic events that seem patently unfair to those who have done their best to live good lives. Where Kushner does an excellent job of assisting people in dealing with the “How could this happen to me?” question, Pennington ignores that aspect and focuses instead on how to make the most of the cards you are dealt. He doesn’t minimize the impact of adverse events but chooses to focus instead on how to move forward despite them.
A Positive Attitude Strategy
The tone of Find the Upside of the Down Times is clear from Pennington’s opening sentence of chapter 1: “I was shot in the center of the chest by an unknown assailant…It was one of the best things that ever happened to me.” Is this man insane? How can being shot be a good thing?
Pennington’s theme can best be summed up this way: Stuff happens to us all. Some of it is terrible, but stop whining and get on with your life. It is not a direct quote but seems to be his theme as he repeatedly points out that positive opportunities always exist, despite the overwhelming nature of a problem. But, of course, you must be looking for them to find positive possibilities, and Pennington provides many suggestions.
Rob Pennington
What are Pennington’s qualifications for giving such advice? Aside from his Ph.D. in psychology, his personal experiences include: Being shot in the chest; Facing a thirty-six thousand dollar hospital bill without medical insurance; Being divorced by his first wife; Being fired; Being threatened with divorce by his second wife; Becoming the caregiver for his second wife when she becomes incurably ill with MS.
The reader might suspect the author suffers from acute Pollyannaish symptoms—being in severe denial of the terrible situations he faced. But Pennington isn’t advocating ignoring a tragedy by calling it a chance; He means we should accept negative occurrences without concentrating on them, then move on to constructive behaviors like seeking out and seizing new possibilities.
He sums up that philosophy this way: “It is a lot easier to get out of a rut if you look for a way out than if all you think about is what won’t work.”
Among the many tidbits of advice for dealing with adversity are tips for:
- Reducing everyday stresses like lengthy queues and traffic bottlenecks.
- A three-step process for finding a positive possibility in an adverse event.
- Stress as a signal for transformation.
- A five-step process for taking proactive action to change a negative circumstance.
- A preference versus requirement process for dealing with relationship issues.
Dealing with the Stress of Bad Things
Find the Good in Bad Times is not only filled with excellent advice for those facing adverse situations, but it’s also an exciting recounting of one man’s way of dealing with life situations most of us fear but never have to face.
Though Pollyannaish might seem to focus on opportunities within tragic events, the strategies are fundamentally sound and consistent with advice from positive psychologists’ research.
by Opator | Mar 12, 2022 | Self-Awareness
By overcoming a fear of rejection or losing a part of who we are and accepting others, we can feel natural and accepted.
“The most dreadful poverty is loneliness and unloved.” – M.T.
When do you feel lonely? When do you feel unloved? Everybody needs to be accepted, and when this need is not met, I think most people would feel lonely and unloved, and it hurts.
How do you get the need to be accepted met? Keep in mind the following:
- Everybody cannot take you; there will always be somebody unable or unwilling to take you for who you are.
- Many people share the need for acceptance; you want to remember that other people’s condition is as significant as yours.
- While it is important to be true to yourself, it doesn’t mean you should hold tightly onto the image you think you are or should be; you need to be flexible.
A fear-driven attitude of being ‘nice.’
Some people try to be accepted by everybody – sometimes literally – for who they are. I used to be one of the people-pleasers or an ‘approval-addict.’ Unfortunately, it won’t happen unless you become a chameleon. Dr. Harriet B. Braiker states in her book Disease to Please that “Your concerns and fears will grow as you associate with being polite rather than being authentic. It’s better to accept that conflict is inevitable and to learn to deal with it effectively.” (Braiker, 2002)
Some people try to deter negative emotions from others by being nice because if you are friendly, you’d think nobody would want to reject you. You’d assume that everybody would accept and love you for your niceness. However, you are not authentic if you give a yes to others when your heart tells you no. Could people accept you for who you are in this way? No.
Their needs are as valuable as yours.
Would changing the way you handle things deprive you of your self-identity? To get your need for acceptance met, you may sometimes become blind to others’ need to be accepted. Everybody is different. Their upbringing and past have much impact on how they react to certain situations. Naturally, when one person tries to be taken by somebody, the other person might need to adjust a part of them if the person is willing to meet your need. This process should be reciprocal. Some people from troubled backgrounds may find it too threatening because they feel “if [they] give a part of [themselves], [they] are losing it forever. . . .” (Dayton, 1997, P. 92)
The truth is we are not losing it forever. As long as we have it, we can share it without losing it. You want to be accepted, but does it mean that you should not change your attitude, outlook, actions, etc., because “it is who you are” and that you can expect others to accept it? What if everybody claimed the same? There would be no acceptance but resentment or loneliness of not being accepted.
Be flexible
Holding tightly onto who you are, you may be rejecting others, but if you don’t learn to own the sense of who you are, as Dr. Braiker says, “[Y]our hidden motivation may be to manipulate others into liking you or at least into not rejecting you.” (Braiker, 2002, p. 40)
Relationships are typically not black and white; they are usually ‘shades of gray.’ Most of you must have heard somebody tell you that you must always be who you are. But being always who you are does not mean you should be rigid with your self-identity. If you favor or even pride in your lifestyle of abstinence, while other people may accept it, they may also want to drink alcohol or smoke cigarettes. But, then, you should get their lifestyle as well. It doesn’t mean that you are being a phony by bending yourself; it only means you care about the relationships.
You can be authentic and still be accepted. However, it would help if you were original and taken without feeling guilt, insecurities, self-doubts, and loneliness.
by Opator | Mar 12, 2022 | Self-Awareness
We propose several factors and their relationships as a strategy for achieving happiness in life.
Happiness, of course, is a subjective construct. It is closely related to what one values in life. The more one receives value; the more one can expect to be happy. Alas, this simplistic perspective somehow does not ring true. Things are just not that simple. Does the question then become, what is the formula for happiness? Well, one cannot propose a procedure without exception or difference. The optimal outcome is a formula that works for most.
The Formula
Upon careful thought, this formula seems most accurate.
H = LP (I2 – (a + c))
It is not a mathematical formula. It is not a precise algebraic equation. Instead, it is a Philosophical, or perhaps even Psychological, the paradigm of life. Yet, if we live our lives understanding and employing this formula, we can expect to achieve happiness more frequently than not. Therefore, the individual factors of this formula are worth considering.
Love
The first is love (L). When we can experience love and express love, we tap into the very essence of our souls. SNo love knows no God, says the Bible; God is love” (I John 4:8). The same sense of our being is love. Real love sustains, enriches, and energizes us to maximize life. When we have a genuine love of God and each other, we can mitigate or nullify many of the obstacles or forces that would seek to destroy our happiness. The qualifier is “real” love. The answer to this is also found in Scripture. In I Corinthians 13:13, Paul defines love.
Theologians call the love we speak of here “Agape Love” (Carson, 2000). It is a selfless, sacrificial love that is unconditional. It is that love God offers us even though we are undeserving. It’s our love for one other. You must revere the Lord your God. Priority one. Second. Each commandment is hung on these two (Matthew 22:37-40)
Purpose
The second factor is purpose. The purpose is the end to which we seek to obtain in life. It is the primary purpose of and for a person’s life. It is your calling in life. It is that thing to which we dedicate our effort and our thought. It answers the questions of why, and for what, where you created. It includes our goals and objectives.
We mark it by our milestones and progress steps. It reflects our values and our core life vision. Finally, our contribution to the world is answered. When one has a purpose, one will have drive. Drive is that quality that enables us to rise every day and persevere despite mammoth adversity (Frankl, 2006). Without purpose, one exists and reacts to every shift in life—those with a clear sense of purpose experience life on their terms. For them, it ideally provides meaning. Meaning gives importance to one’s life.
Relationships
The following few factors focus on one in their existence among others. We consider these factors to confine one’s community and hence the parenthesis. The first of these factors is the “I” factor. This factor represents a relationship. There are two dimensions of the “I” factor: intrapersonal and interpersonal relationships. Both are essential and dynamic (Vohs & Finkel, 2006). We measure their significance by squaring (or multiplying each against the other) the dimensions.
Intrapersonal Relationship
The intrapersonal relationship is the relationship we have with ourselves. When we love ourselves, we enjoy positive intrapersonal relationships. When we have an appropriate sense of ego strength, we can develop positive self-love. With positive self-love, we can have a strong sense of resilience which empowers us to withstand the assaults of life.
When we love ourselves, we have a sense of autonomy and integrity that is not dependent or determined by others. Yet, it enables us to love others more deeply. We can develop boundaries and a sense of ethics that structure our purpose in life with self-love.
Interpersonal Relationships
The other dimension of the “I” factor in interpersonal relationships. It is our relationship with others. When we enjoy positive relationships with others, our need for companionship and social interaction is satisfied. Biologically, humans seek social connections. We do not do well in isolation. We are enriched, rewarded, and personally enhanced by finding positive relationships. Our relationships within the community develop the others factors in our equation.
As we interact, we learn of others’ needs and our capacity to meet these needs. It, then, forms our purpose. Continued isolation, or solitude, is harmful to our psyche and leads to all other sorts of pathology.
We square the “I” dimensions to measure our relationships accurately. When we have a high standard of “I” squared, we have balance in our lives, and most importantly, our psyches are intact. A strong “I” provides safety, which allows us to engage in the pursuit of happiness. Conversely, the low strength of “I” nullifies all of the other factors and, in turn, destroys our ability to be happy.
Threats to Relationships
There are several threats to a high measure of “I.” Perhaps none more threatening than our remaining factors of (a +c). The “a” factor is Anger. The “c” factor is Conflict. Anger is a strong emotion that may be harmful. Destructive Anger directed externally destroys Interpersonal relationships. While Anger directed internally, often called depression, destroys personal stability and capacity.
The goal, therefore, has to be to minimize the result of (a +c). In other words, to pursue and/or realize happiness, we must minimize our destructive Anger and Conflict. Scripture provides; “An angry man stirreth up strife, and a furious man aboundeth in transgression” (Proverbs 29:22). Scripture cautions, “No relationship with an angry guy, no going near a furious man, lest you learn his methods and fall into his trap (Proverbs 22:24-25).
We need to realize not all Anger is destructive; some can be pretty beneficial. The determining issue is how we express our Anger. When expressed through Conflict, we are mitigating against our ability to be happy. We have to realize there may be instances when we cannot avoid Anger and Conflict. However, we need to control the damage in those instances and open paths towards reconciliation. Holding umbrage towards others is a sure deterrent towards happiness. Learning to forgive others for their trespasses has to be a priority.
Bringing it Together
We can recognize happiness by realizing how these factors work and devise strategies to accentuate the good and avoid the bad. Therefore, the vehicle for employing this equation is the strategies we develop for living life. Happiness becomes an achievable reality when we remain aware of ourselves and work the formula.
by Opator | Mar 12, 2022 | Self-Awareness
One of the critical concepts of Aristotle’s virtue ethics is finding the mean, or balance, between excess and deficiency.
As part of Aristotle’s virtue ethics, the Doctrine of the Mean can be explained in the following manner: “Excellence in any field is achieved by hitting the mean and not by excess or deficiency. So, to be virtuous in our acts and emotions, we must avoid excess or insufficiency in our activities and feelings” (Velasquez 470).
Thus, the goal becomes finding the trait that falls between deficiency and excess. It may be applied to various characteristics in terms of caring for oneself. For example, a person may be excessively stingy and unwilling to give to anyone. On the other end, a person may be too selfless, taking care of everyone else before caring for themselves.
Locating the balance comes by sliding away from these distinct poles and coming to the middle ground. In this case, the mean may be characterized as generosity. Yet, what if selfishness became one’s goal in a refined sense of the term?
Redefining Selfishness
Codependent No More, Melody Beattie cites Nathaniel Branden: “Thus, to respect oneself is to practice selfishness in the greatest, noblest, and most misunderstood sense. And this, I would argue, requires considerable independence, boldness” (Branden in Beattie, 126).
Many people will reject this immediately upon reading it. “Be selfish? That’s ridiculous! I have kids, a family, and a company! I can’t afford my health. It wouldn’t be fair to everyone else.” In response, Beattie urges readers to realize the following: “Out of high self-esteem will come true acts of kindness and charity, not selfishness” (126). It is, in a sense, selfishness that leads to selflessness. Being honest with oneself is selfish.
Applying Aristotle’s Ethics
How does Aristotle fit into all of this? His Doctrine of the Mean encourages balance. In situations where one needs to care for themselves, it can be beneficial to examine the excess and deficiency of their actions and the mean they are striving for.
“Giving ourselves what we need does not only mean giving presents; it means doing what’s necessary to live responsibly—not an excessively responsible or an irresponsible existence” (Beattie 116). Utilizing Aristotle’s model, responsibility to others at our expense is categorized as an excess. Conversely, downright irresponsibility is a deficiency. The balance here is a responsibility to oneself.
As Beattie pointed out, caring for yourself does not necessarily mean treating yourself to lavish gifts or vacations or focusing on your own needs at the expense of everyone else. Responsibility to yourself involves realizing and acknowledging your own needs and wants, even if there is nothing you can do about them at the moment.
Being honest about your feelings and needs seems an overly simplistic way to begin practicing responsibility to yourself. Yet, sometimes the most superficial answers are ignored because they seem too easy. Unfortunately, these are often the most excellent options.
by Opator | Mar 10, 2022 | Self-Awareness
Self-awareness is key to a cheerful existence. So make your 2022 resolution(s) into a five-point game plan for a joyous and effective New Year.
In the end, Christmas shopping and the holiday party are over. Finally, the New Year is here. But, with just a few days gone by, do you find yourself poised on the edge of your bed, like the statue of the thinker, pondering this question, “what can I do differently to make this year better?”
Here is a suggestion, make your 2022 resolution into a five-point game plan for success in the New Year.
Don’t Live Life on Overload.
Think of your brain as a computer circuit board that keeps track of data. Burnout is likely to occur if too much activity or too much intensity of thought is racing through it. That is too much, too fast, and not enough time to process.
Lesson one is to take control of the flow of activities in your life. Once it has reached its capacity, the general nature of any object or conveyance is it will not function at its optimal performance.
Learning the difference between essential and unimportant activities is vital to succeeding in the New Year. We each formally or informally put together a ‘To Do’ list which often gets cluttered with projects. However, one critical element of leading a successful life is establishing criteria for choosing a project to add to the to-do list.
We should ask ourselves, will this project help us reach a future goal. If yes, then include it on your to-do list with the provision that it can be accomplished. If no, then scratch it off and move on to other tasks that will help us be successful.
It’s your life, and you decide what goes in and out.
Live in the Here and Now
Self-awareness is one key element to a cheerful existence. Although we are just a few days into this New Year, we can plan our future course with past challenges in mind, but we have a choice not to live bad decisions repeatedly.
Living in the here and now is a choice that the future holds the promise that we can act more toward. So, right now, we choose to make the most of life.
We can take the advice contained in a quote by Leonard Ravenhill that says, A once-in-a-lifetime chance must be taken. But unfortunately, we cannot take advantage of the opportunity of a lifetime in 2022, thinking and rethinking our failures and disappointments of the last year or years before.
We can exercise control over our minds to focus on the here and now to broaden our self-awareness. Try to realize the undiscovered country before you by looking beyond what you see to what you can become in the future.
Remove the Extra Weight from Your Life.
If the truth were told, most everyone is carrying old baggage weighing them down, and they need to let go. So in 2022, whether it’s your waistline or a crowded room of stuff in your home, consider getting rid of the heavy stuff to lighten your daily living.
Be committed to throwing out unnecessary and unused items in your personal space. One man’s garbage is another’s treasure. If items in your private area are no longer a treasure to you, then make them available to someone who can use them. However, if they are trash, send them to the trash heap where no one will waste valuable personal space with useless things.
Next, learn to recognize that you have are tools to use to accomplish a goal. Do not let them be a collection of reminders that you either cannot complete a project or that you cannot complete what you start.
Collectors and hoarders are often confused.
Allow for Creativity
Unlike the pants you have grown too big for overtime, allow yourself a little latitude to grow intellectually, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. If you have had a dream for years that returns from time to time, give it a chance to make its way into your world.
One option is to begin by trying an activity or exercising a latent talent that you have always dreamed of doing. It does not have to be on a grandiose scale but try it somewhere. For example, if you have a talent or desire to sing (dance, draw, etc.), find a venue where aspiring artists can showcase their talent. The skill does not matter, it just matters that you leave the negative words of all the Nay-Sayers behind, and you try.
A second option, change your daily routine to have a sense of freshness around you. Utilize your innate gifts and talents to transform your environment into the oasis that floods your soul with joy and happiness. Finally, if you do not want to share your skill on the world stage, find a forum that suits your needs.
A biblical scripture designed for those who do not know if they should share their innate talent with the world should keep in mind, “A man’s gift maketh room for him, and bringeth him before great men.”
In 2022 take a chance that what you have inside is worth sharing with others, but remember the lesson on keeping life off of overload.
Be a Special Blessing
Lastly, begin this year with a fresh attitude that includes blessing someone you do not know. So often, we are engaged with activities and projects that cloud our minds and eyes to the point we cannot see that other person less fortunate than we are struggling.
If you can conceptualize that your gifts and talents have made room for you to live the life you have, then use them to help others. But, on the other hand, if you do not feel very philanthropic to help the needy and poor because you have limited resources, here is a suggestion.
To the people you know, who are having a difficult time, send them a note of encouragement to say hang in there just a little longer. Think of the joy you feel when you receive a card in the mail on your birthday or an anniversary. Pay that feeling forward but add to it the inclusion of people you generally do not contact daily, weekly, or monthly.
It might be all the encouragement they need to press on in a year that they do not think will be prosperous. The idea is to be a blessing to others which does not always have to involve money.
A blessing to someone else can mean being a friend in need. And that’s an excellent New Year’s resolution to have, be a friend to someone, like never before.
